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Family Values

Recently, a group of young advisors at the office asked me to speak to them to “impart the wisdom I have accumulated through the years.” Upon reflection, I had two answers: 30 years ago, I knew most everything; today I only know that I know very little.

At sixty-seven, I feel like the scarecrow that was combing his hair: I’m just grasping at straws. (Thanks, I’ll be here all week. Shows at 5 and 9. Shows used to be at 11 and 1, but I can’t stay up that late anymore.)

I do know that the way to wealth is to work hard, live frugally, and take care of your health, but I haven’t a clue how to make an inveterate spender change their ways.

I grew up with what I call “John Wayne” values.

John Wayne’s movie characters, before Rooster Cogburn at least, emphasized responsibility, being steadfast and true to one’s word, and being of upright moral, yea even rigid, character. My parents grew up in the Depression, and I have always believed that experience shaped an entire generation; that age group was further cast into a duty-first attitude by the Second World War. Duty and honor, “neither a borrower nor lender be,” work as hard as possible because a day may come when work is unavailable, and sacrifice for family and the greater good. These defined “The Greatest Generation” and are what they taught their kids.

Those values were sticky for me. Even though I sought out mischievousness in my youth and sometimes got away with questionable behavior, I relearned childhood lessons in a harder fashion when the chickens did come home to roost. But I never strayed too far from the foundations I was taught, and as I grew older and recognized that life didn’t go on forever, I took on the responsibilities of husband and father. My life roots grew deeper into the values that were planted long before.

Here is what I think I’ve learned about finances: Avoid debt, but I make exceptions for home-buying and education. Hate debt like you hate the winter flu: Avoid it as best you can, and when it creeps into your life, attack it with vigor and chase it out.

Save your money for a rainy day. Don’t ask yourself if hard times will come, ask when. Invest your money wisely. Wisely means the stuff that has worked for centuries. Ben Graham told you all you really needed to know about investing in The Intelligent Investor. Yeah, that was published in 1949. Which brings us to Ecclesiastes: “There is nothing new under the sun.”

There are lots of small lessons I’ve learned along the way: If you loan money to a friend, you’ll likely lose both. Let banks be lenders. If you are compelled to help, gifts are a better approach than loans.

Vanilla is a great flavor for your investment approach. “New and exotic” are a great way to get your hat handed to you.

Always remember that television exists to sell you stuff. The business of advertising has expanded into every aspect of media today. The more noise we turn off, the better our quality of life.

And so on. These are the values I received from my grandparents and my parents. I have tried to pass them along to my kids and now my grandkids. Another lesson I learned even before I had kids: they will foul up. When they do, love them through it, not lash them through it.

I have asked my two daughters to do something for me one day after I am long since dead and gone.

I’d like them to find a time to sit, just the two of them, under a tree and enjoy a cold drink and the quiet of the day. One of them is to turn to the other and ask that old question: “Sis, why are we sitting here today?”

“Because Dad planted a seed a long time ago.”

January 2025

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