We’ve probably all heard the phrase,” Nice guys finish last.” The saying has been attributed to former Baseball player and manager Leo Durocher. The phrase may have been altered from a statement made by Durocher: “Nice guys don’t win pennants.”
The idiom has come to mean that people can’t be successful and also be courteous, kind, and respectful.
As I contemplate the words and apply them to so many people that I see as successful, I believe that it can’t be true. Perhaps the definition of success by some is what gives validation to the phrase.
The idea entered my head while reading the book Nice Guys and Girls Finish…FIRST!” Co-authors Daniel W. Cronin and his dad, Terrence A. Cronin, Jr. MD, FAAD, tell us in chapter one that the adage of “nice guys finish last: will be challenged. In fact, chapter one is titled “The Power of “Nice Leadership.” The authors write, “One of the greatest challenges of leadership is embracing compassion in the face of adversity. True leadership exhibits the courage to make tough decisions that serve the greater good, even when it requires personal sacrifice…”
Chapter four, “Living With Purpose And Developing Your Personal Mission Statement,” begins with a quote from Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor 161-180 AD. ‘People who labor all their lives but have no purpose to direct every thought and impulse toward are wasting their time – even when hard at work”.
If you read that quote out loud a couple of times and think deeply about it, you may well feel as though you received at least a gentle kick to the gut. As “Nice Guys and Girls… points out “Purpose acts like a roadmap guiding you toward the fulfillment of your goals…”
Speaking of goals and purpose, I find it most effective and the process more enjoyable when goals and purpose include a substantial benefit to others, especially those who will benefit without knowing who provided that benefit. “For God loves a cheerful giver.”
The whole “nice guys finish last” thing may have gained acceptance because of how we define “nice.” It seems that often, the nice guy or girl is defined as one who is agreeable to doing things the way others want them done. One can, in fact, be nice while also being assertive and influential. The trick is to skillfully and honestly communicate. As we have seen so abundantly leading into our recent Presidential election, differing points of view easily become a non-compromising battleground. For nice guys and girls to finish first, Dr. Cronin Jr and Daniel Cronin say this:
“To excel in communication and influence, leaders must hone their skills in several key areas. Clarity and conciseness in messaging are vital, with a focus on defining goals, knowing the audience, and eliminating unnecessary details.”
I had a boss a couple of decades back who taught me much the same through his example.
He had a knack for dealing with issues we disagreed on. Unlike some bosses I experienced, he would go beyond saying, “This is how it will be done.” He would start by acknowledging my concern and point out through good communication why things would need to be done differently than I had hoped for. He is both successful and a nice guy.
I’ll close with some additional pointers from the book on being nice and still finishing first.
- Authenticity. Being genuine
- Listening – Active listening
- Empathy
- Expertise -Sharing knowledge and expertise
- Reciprocity-Engage in mutual exchange
- Consistency
Everything mentioned here takes a bit of work. It’s definitely a journey and not a destination. In the end, however, we, as well as those we interact with, are better for it.
December 2024
